Some Thoughts

01.24.18 journal madrid

I’ve been hesitant about writing about the new year. I started off last year with such strong expectations and intentions. Hell, I made a whole video about how 2017 was going to be the best year yet, how much I was going to accomplish, yada yada (not that I ever finished editing it…). And I truly believed all of it. But, as things go, the year kinda fell flat. And I don’t mean me, I just mean, generally, for our whole society (you felt it too, right?). And that’s the things about expectations, if they disappoint you, they disappoint you hard. So it’s something I’ve been avoiding lately. No expectations, just setting a few goals, and enjoying life for what it is, in that moment, shared with the people you love. Maybe it’s just time passing, growing older and wiser, learning what is truly important about life. Maybe it was 2017 pushing us, getting us to try harder. Not everything is easy, after all. Maybe we’re learning what battles to let go, and which ones to fail, time and time again, until we finally do succeed. Who really knows. All I know for sure is, it’s time for a change.

Cryptic as all this might be, and quite possibly, overly dramatic, it really is quite simple. As much as I was focussing on my career, on blogging, it took me a second to step back, realize I was focussing all my energy on the career I assumed was still making me happy, when in reality, my industry was changing, and not in the direction I was prepared for. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, I love creating beautiful photographs, I love styling, and clothing, and writing. I love meeting amazing people who do amazing things. I’m so thankful I have the opportunity to see the world, to experience everything I get to experience. I truly am beyond grateful and blessed for everything I’ve been able to do in the past 8 years of my life. I started doing this out of a love for photography, for clothing, for writing, and for wanting to pass on what inspired me. That has never changed. But I think everything started becoming a routine, staring becoming easy. My phone became an extension of my own body, always on, always refreshing. Social media being the main thought circulating in my own head, and in conversations with friends and family. That’s where we live now, on social media. And I was focussing all my energy on wanting social media to stay the same as it always had been for me – less of a – this is what I’m doing now – and more of a – here’s a beautiful shadow or a beautiful city or a beautiful restaurant. But maybe it was time for a change. Maybe we got sick of seeing the same images over and over again. Maybe everything’s become too oversaturated, or maybe it’s just me. Again, who knows.

Let’s just leave it at this. I miss writing. I miss the simplicity of creating art for the sake of creating art. I miss exploring without feeling the need to document everything so that I can share it later on. And so that’s what 2018 is going to be about for me. Reconnecting with who I am, what inspires me, staying true to my vision. Living life fully, being present, not always needing to be connected, exploring new hobbies, new business ideas. Still blogging, but with more intention again. Pushing myself creatively. Leaving myself room to breathe, to see what happens with the in-between space. And I’m excited, excited in the most calm way, where I know everything is going to work out beautifully.

I’ve also discovered I’m terrible at saying thank you out loud. So for those of you reading, I do want to say, I’m eternally grateful to you, that you’ve followed my story, supported who I am, and what I do, and for allowing me to share the things I find beautiful. It’s a crazy world we live in, and it’s amazing that we are able to be connected in some way or other. I hope you’ll continue to be inspired, and continue being part of my story, wherever it takes me.

Much love,

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  1. Michaela says on 02.01.18

    You seem to write exactly what is in my mind since last year too… Many things have changed in Social Media, and I do not like them so much and somehow they don’t fit to my values… Lets see where this goes 😉